Best/Worst Of The Week: Coolio Turns To Porn, Nicki’s Comical Booty & More
Listen, it's Friday, we get it. Nobody really wants to do anything that involves using their brain. So "Best/Worst" will provide you with both the biggest fails and the most awesome awesomeness, as well as some of the best (and worst) music of the week. It's a whole lot of everything.
Now let's get started...
Best Of The Week:
I spend a lot of time on the internet...like, a lot. Even when I'm not listening to music or doing "research" on pornstars for work, I'm still checking out the latest puppy video or scouting fantasy football prospects. The other day my grandma said she, "forgot about the internet." In the past two years, there hasn't been a single day when I either didn't not use the internet, or thought about how I couldn't use it, so I think I have a pretty good idea of what the internet loves. Next to cute puppies and people recovering from surgery, Morgan Freeman related content kills. Anything Morgan Freeman related is internet gold. Hell, it doesn't even have to actually be Morgan Freeman; just someone who acts like him. Case in point, this video.
It's literally impossible not to chuckle while you watch. Sometimes, it's the simple things that are the most effective.
I've written quite a number of articles these past two years, and while I still have many more to write, I'm pretty sure my magnum opus, my "Fancy" if you will, is easily the groundbreaking look into porn stars in music videos. Without fail, it is the most popular article on DJBooth every week. Which is why Coolio teaming up with PornHub is the most genius business decision since headphones were created with the letter "B" on them.
Well, I can cross Coolio pouring water on porn stars off of the list of things I never thought I'd see. Smart move for Coolio, teaming up with one of the most popular sites on the internet. It is a great way to spread your music to the masses (and asses). According to TMZ, "Take It To The Hub" is just the start of a beautiful relationship (#newrules)...or is it?
Best Music Of The Week:
Earlier this week, when listening to new Common's album, I got to thinking about Malik Yousef; where the hell has he been? To answer my own question, he has been in the lab, cooking up a "deconstructed" of an previously-release dalbum, which is chalk full of awesome guest features (and Big Sean). This is definitely the move this weekend, unless you know, you hate awesome, free hip-hop.
Fails Of The Week:
Pornhub Paradise Pt. 2
Just fucking kidding, TMZ are a bunch of god damn liars. "Take It To The Hub" is only a promo for Pornhub and Coolio has no plans to release music on the site. Check out what he told Rolling Stone,
"I don't know why TMZ always has to do that bullshit, man," says Coolio. "I let them into the video shoot willingly and then the first thing they do is talk bullshit about me and try to make me look bad. They were trying to say it was my comeback. Man, I ain't trying to make no fuckin' comeback off some porn."
So you're releasing a new album through Pornhub...
"Hold up. They made that shit up completely. I didn't talk to them about shit and they didn't ask me any questions. That shit was a fuckin' promo song for the website. That's it! I met some executive from Pornhub while he was out [in Las Vegas] for the AVNs. We hung out; he was cool. He asked me to do a song for Pornhub and that was it. It's not even my song that I'm putting out. I'm never doing a new album. I'll probably do nothing but singles. I'm as good as anybody out there lyrically and conceptually and can go toe to toe with the best of them throughout history. But I don't know how much longer I'll be doing it. It's not really fun anymore."
I fucking hate TMZ for just straight up lying to our faces. How dare you give me the promise of a rapper teaming up with a porn site to release music without it containing any shred of truth?!? I get that they aren't CNN (or even Fox News), but how can you completely fabricate a story and expect us to take you seriously the next time you report that Bieber's been arrested? It is kind of fitting, though, that this whole saga has so much awesomeness and so much fail, it only makes sense TMZ is behind the circus. Congrats to TMZ, PornHub, and Coolio for nabbing both a fail and awesomeness spot. That, my friends, is no easy task.
Baby Got Blech:
The other day I woke up to Twitter going nuts over Nicki Minaj. New single? Another pop song? A sex tape? No, no and no. Just newly-unveiled single artwork, but the way people were talking about it, you would think it was the Sistine Chapel of art work.
I have never seen a picture more obviously Photoshopped; it looks like two exercise balls that got stung by a swarm of hornets. I would say this is NSFW, but no part of that booty is real, so what's the harm? Her ass is comically large. One of those cheeks is bigger than her head and her torso! I'm all for a big booty, but there are limits and a fake, computer-altered booty is a slight against all booty. If you think this is real I have a beach house in Idaho to sell you.
Worst Music Of The Week:
Bobby Shmurda has been the Shmot name to shmalk about shmately, but I still haven't really shmistened to him; it feels like I know what to expect. Now that "Hot N***a" has been remastered, what better way to get to shmow him? Proving the old axiom "you can't polish a turd" to be correct, here is the CDQ version of Bobby's breakout single, because everyone was waiting for that 320 KBPS version. <b>Update</b>: YouTube sucks (or they hate Bobby) and the video has been removed.
Comment Of The Week:
Leave it to DJBooth Nation to both make me laugh and have an awesome conversation about our rap power rankings. Props to MyLeage who, in the midst of an endless Drake conversation, made me straight up laugh.
i think his music since Thank Me Later is softer than me watching Roseanne in a porno
Eloquent, descriptive, porn and rap related? Winner winner chicken dinner!
Have a good weekend, Booth Nation!
[Lucas Garrison is a writer for DJBooth.net. His favorite album is “College Dropout,” but you can also tweet him your favorite Migos songs at @LucasDJBooth.]
Written by Lucas G. on 07/25/14
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