The vast majority of black males in America are coke-dealing billionaires. Just in case you’re a racist with a third-grade education, that’s not even remotely true, so why has mainstream radio’s version of hip-hop strayed so far from reality? Easy, fiction sells, and sales are everything (turns out rappers and label execs both believe in C.R.E.A.M.). In an age when the line between truth and fiction has become blurrier than Lindsay Lohan’s vision after a DUI, who can we trust to tell us what’s real?
Plies thinks he has the answer, and the answer is him. The Florida-born rising star has triumphantly titled his sophomore release Definition Of Real, which means that the definition of real is a rapper who comes out of nowhere to dominate the charts. Anyone who listened to his debut album knows he’s not making his name based on musicianship and complex lyricism, so what is it about the man that’s made him so popular. Could it be that he’s just that real?
Every morning Plies wakes up, drinks Cristal for breakfast, says good morning to his butler and thinks, “Please Jesus let me have another hit like Shawty.” Or at least that’s what I imagine him doing. It’s no secret that women buy more albums than men, so it’s easy to see why Definition of Real is flooded with songs that might as well be titled Hypnotize A Shawty. In fact, Plies has already succeeded in recreating the old magic with Bust It Baby Pt. 2, a track that follows his patented formula to chart-topping success. Want to make your own Plies-esque hit? Just follow these simple steps: start with some radio-friendly production (a distinctly 90’s sounding beat by J.R. Rotem), bring on a superstar to sing the chorus (hello Ne-Yo), write some sugary lyrics (“your lips is what make you so cute”) and then deliver them with a slow swagger. It’s not a complicated recipe, but right now Plies is a chef and the game is his kitchen.
The one thing that truly separates Plies from all the rest of the radio-hungry rap pack is his willingness to work obscenities into nearly every song. In fact, Bust It Baby is one of the softest songs on the album, something like Please Excuse My Hands is much more the norm. While Jamie Foxx and The Dream bring a silky smooth r&b style to My Hands, Plies turns the track into a musical sex tape with lyrics like: “look on the dresser and grab that baby oil.” Come to think of it, that’s a laughably tame line compared to the rest of the album. Hold on, let me find something better…ok, let’s try out this gem from Feel Like F**kin: “I call my little baby a shooter when she nut she skeet.” There, that’s more like it. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “I’d love to listen to a man slowly rap about how much he loves licking p**sy,” then Definition Of Real is the album for you.
When Plies isn’t earning his albums a XXX rating he’s fully embracing his goon side with tracks about plotting a murder (Bushes) or explaining his plan to pimp someone’s girl to collect on a debt (Ol’ Lady). Oddly, Plies delivers these goonish verses with the same calm drawl he uses for romantic odes like Somebody Loves You, but there’s no denying that when he spits a line like “ain’t no faking over here I’m shootin” over a booming beat, like he does on the aptly-titled S**t Bag, it’s more than believable, it’s intimidating. As long as we’re here, is someone with Tourettes responsible for naming Plies songs? Let’s just say that if you’re listening to songs titled Feel Like F**kin, Dat B**ch and Sh**bag, chances are your listening to Definition Of Real. It’d be overly simplistic to split this album into grimy bangers and songs for the ladies, 1 Day in particular stands out for it’s impressive honesty and lyricism, but not by much.
Listen, if you’re a girl who fantasizes about bad boys or a bad boy trying to f**k those girls, you’re going to love this album. I’m neither of those things, so I don’t. It really is that simple. I’m sure I’m going to get hammered for this review (I psychically sense some “Plies is my baby boo” comments below), but just like Plies I have to keep it real and stay who I am – a man who will never listen to Definition Of Real again.